Mama Solly
by Pwnie
Summary: The american mercenary faces an unlikely scenario involving his own body.
1. Chapter 1

4 AM.  
Blu Soldier slept soundly on his side, at the top bunk bed like a satisfied seal. The moonlight penetrated the room and highlighted his yellow nightcap that covered his eyes in consistent fashion with his helmet.  
The very soft snores were not enough to cover the old wood creaking as a backlit figure emerged, climbing the stairs to Solly's bed. Ominous and moving in a wary manner, it grabbed its head and there was a click.  
A very dim miner's light barely lit Medic's features as he slowly peeled back Solly's comforter to reveal a very round looking paunch, bellybutton peeking from the undersized t-shirt.

With the greatest of care, he rolled back the garment and took a moment to take in the view before gently applying pressure to the skin, then softly rubbing it. Hanging on his neck, the stethoscope was put to use, targeting various spots on Solly's smooth dome.  
Medic smiled. "Magnificent." He whispered.  
"BOO." Soldier barked, throwing Medic off his balance and making him fall flat on the ground.  
"And keep your german hands off my body!" He said, throwing the stethoscope. Soldier was not much for examinations.

The following morning, the Blu team sat on their round table eating breakfast.  
While everyone took their time to appreciate their native cuisine, Solly, now dressed in an oversized shirt devoured the copious amounts of meat and eggs in his plate, a quantity way beyond even for an avid eater.  
Pyro still had his straw stuck on his mask when he motioned a downward movement to his mate in a "slow down" kind of way, which Soldier ignored.

Heavy came out of the kitchen, tired from cooking so much. "You done american?"  
"Omnomnomnom."

Later that day, a small car parked near the team's headquarters. A lady dressed like a secretary came out of it.

The bell rang and Engineer promptly opened the door.  
"Oh Miss Pauling! What brings you here?"  
"Good afternoon Dell, I came in Admin's orders. Is your doctor here?"  
"I think so. Please come in miss."

Engie, Medic and Miss Pauling sat around the desk in the infirmary, a white, clean place with weird specimens in jars serving as a poor substitute for tasteful decoration.  
"I'm sure you suspect what brings me here."  
"Don't have a clue." Engie replied.  
"Well, noticed anything different about any of your crewmates?"  
"Pyro has always been...different."  
"That's not what I mean. Out of _your_ ordinary."  
Medic kept silent.  
"Yeah, now that you mention it, Snipes hasn't been checking his mailbox as often."  
"Damnit Dell, I'm talking about Soldier!"  
"Soldier?" He replied, looking surprised.  
"Yes. Medic, please explain." She said, rubbing her forehead.  
"Remember when Soldier was called to see the Administrator?"  
"Vaguely, that was a few months ago."  
"Five." Miss Pauling corrected. "I would figure you would all be wondering what was going on."  
"Not at all, what is wrong with Soldier anyway?"  
Medic leaned foward.  
"Soldier...is...expecting."

Engie thought for a bit. "A letter? Paycheck? ... New weapon?"  
"You could call it a new weapon." Pauling continued. "The administrator is keen on developing the world's strongest warrior through meticulous selection. She also never had children, so she now chose someone else to carry this plan forward."  
"I'm not sure the pieces fit in my head."  
"Engie, Soldier is pregnant." Medic finally dropped the bomb.  
A moment of silence. Engie looked as though he stepped on a garden rake. "What?"  
"The Administrator repurposed the unfinished pregnancy machine by the Mann brothers and drugged Soldier during his visit to impregnate him without his knowledge."  
"And you think he won't know eventually." Engie replied.  
"That's why I need your help to deliver the news to him."  
"I just have two questions." Engie removed his goggles to look attentive. "Who is the seed from?"  
She blushed a little. "Soldier's own frozen samples."  
"Okay...and the egg?..."  
Miss Pauling looked up at both Medic and Engineer. "The Administrator's frozen samples."


	2. Chapter 2

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS MAGGOTRESS?" Soldier stood up, somehow looking at Miss Pauling through his oversized helmet.  
Medic tried to diffuse the anger. "Soldier, please calm down."  
"Calm down? Who the hell do you think I am? Wanna see my vagina?! Because girls get pregnant, not me! I'm just bigger from eating more lately, that's all!"  
"Soldier, think backwards, why are you eating more?"  
"Look, Miss, I've had enough and I'm leaving. I don't hit women but I'm not going to stand here being called a-"  
Soldier froze.  
Medic stood up and slowly walked over. "What's wrong?"  
Soldier led his finger to a very specific spot on his abdomen.

They managed to sit the wordless man and cautiously lifted the shirt to reveal a minuscule bump where Solly's finger was pointing before.  
"It moved." Soldier finally spoke, accepting reality.  
They all had a wondered look on their faces as they reached out their hands simultaneously to touch the spot.

His slightly enlarged abdomen had a small relief in the shape of a foot. Miss Pauling looked enchanted and scared at the same time.

* * *

The screen lit up to show the Administrator smiling at a confused Solly.  
"Hello Soldier, I suppose by now you've heard the news."  
Soldier swallowed heavily before replying. "I've felt them. You mind telling me what is going on here?"  
"You see, when you came to see me that day, we talked about giving you a raise. I did. A substantial raise, and now you see why. This is an important project for me, as it should be to you."  
"Project?" Soldier held his belly protectively.  
"Yes, the ultimate weapon that combines my brains and your strength. Imagine it, my brains in your body."  
"I don't think I want to lady."  
"It will take a lifetime obviously, but I'm thinking long term success here, that's why I ordered the extended ceasefire. You all shall be paid as usual though, see how I'm benevolent?"  
Soldier lowered his head and whispered. "And batshit crazy too."  
"Does RED know about this?"  
"No, this project doesn't concern your war in anyway." She let out a puff of smoke. "I hope you take care of yourself."  
The screen went blank.


	3. Chapter 3

Days gone by and Soldier kept eating like a monster to keep not only keep his body satisfied, but to justify his growth to the rest of the oblivious team. That and a slippery excuse disease name by Medic kept their doubts at bay for the meantime.

Getting out of the shower, he rambled at the smaller size of his towel in propotion to his dome.  
First the socks, then the boxers, the pants, and finally the shirt.  
"Ah-Ah-Ah!"  
He scratched furiously at his chest mere seconds after the fabric touched his skin.

Engie was alone tinkering with his toy planes, their noises clouding Soldier's footsteps.  
"Uh...Engie?"  
His whistling continued uninterrupted.  
"ENGIE!"  
Engie's model plane flew off from the shock, being blown up by his sentry as soon as it hit its line of sight.  
"Uh, what it is pal?"  
"Are we out of softener?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"This shirt is making me nuts, that's what I mean! It's like wearing paper!" He said, scratching.  
"I haven't noticed anything."  
"Noticed what?" Medic came in.  
"Itchy clothes." Said Engie.  
"I haven't noticed it either."  
"I don't care what do you think, this is the worst!" Said Solly, not taking it anymore and removing his shirt.

Medic's eyes widened. Engie followed them and arrived at the source.  
Soldier's nipples were as red as two hot water knobs.  
"What?"  
"It's not the shirt silly, it's your taps."  
"My what?"  
"Your dials."  
"Uh?" Soldier still hadn't figured it out.  
"Your moobs?"  
"Er...?"  
"YOUR MAN TEATS IDIOT!" Engie finally broke out.

Soldier covered himself like a woman whose shower curtain fell.  
"...And why are they like that?"  
"They're...getting ready."  
"Ready for?"  
"You never followed children in your family have you?"  
"Follow, you mean stalk?"  
"No...Anyway, babies have to eat, don't they?"  
"I guess so."  
Medic cleaned his glasses. "You still don't get it."  
"MOOOOOOO" Engie interjected, ringing a bell along.  
"Your nipples are preparing to make milk for the kid. Clear enough now?"  
Soldier said a phrase only moving his lips, his breath taken from the realization.  
Engie smiled. "I can fabricate a custom pump for you." This was the last thing he said before Soldier's fist and a sudden blackness. 


	4. Chapter 4

Evening approached and the fireplace started to give that cozy glow to the living room.

Spy was watching a nouvelle-vague film, complete with inner monologues and people looking at eachother at a caf . His cigarrette went in and out of his mouth in sync with the actors'.  
Besides him sat Soldier and a sleeping Scout. Spy looked to his right and saw tears flowing from inside the helmet. His face was dumbfounded.  
"You actually have eyes."  
Soldier sought composure and cleaned his face with his big paw. "I was just, washing my eyes, that's all."  
"You were crying? There's not even subtitles!"  
The helmet craned towards Spy.  
"Did you see that? His mother died! And he didn't visit her!" Soldier broke out in tears.  
Spy was taken aback at the emotion mixed with his comrade's usual agressiveness.  
Heavy entered. "American, your dinner is ready!"  
Soldier ejected himself from the sofa.

Engie was eating dessert and Pyro was eating through a straw in his mask. Soldier sat down.  
"AH!"  
He looked down and saw Pyro with his ear stuck to his belly, giggling. "Go away! How does he know?" He said, pushing him away.  
Engie looked just as clueless.  
Soldier proceeded to eat his food without the usual enthusiasm of a ravenous wolf.  
"What's wrong?" The words muffled out from Engie's molotov filled mouth.  
"Meh...I'm not in the mood for this now."  
"Mmmph mmph mmmmph?"  
"Yes it's my favourite, but..."  
They looked at Soldier, waiting.  
"I could really go for some lasagna now."  
Engie looked surprised. "Lasagna?"  
"Yes, I have this uncontrollable urge to eat lasagna."  
Heavy looked from a distance. "We don't have condiments for that."  
"Mmmph mph."  
"NO! I must eat lasagna!"  
Medic came in. "Having cravings now are we? It's a usual symptom of specific nutrient needs with psychological feedback. It'll go away by itse-"  
Soldier grabbed Medic's shirt. "You don't understand doc, I MUST EAT IT!"

Sniper's van had a weird smell that made Engie, Pyro and Solly uncomfortable as they drove through the night road.  
At the wheel, Engie swatted the air freshner away from his view. "Of all the cravings you could have, you had to choose the one not represented by any of the team's nationalities."  
Soldier twitched his legs. "Can you stop just a second? I need to pee."  
"Again? It's the third time!"  
"You want more piss smell than what's already here?"  
"Fine..." The van stopped.  
Soldier ran to the bushes.  
"Mmmph mmph mmph?"  
"Jarateing so often? Well it's from the bump pressuring the bladder, it's quite normal-oh what the hell am I saying..." 


	5. Chapter 5

"Done!" Soldier zipped up and entered the van.  
"Alrighty then."  
The vehicle went by, chugging along and shaking like a hen house during an earthquake.  
Soldier switched radio stations every 5 minutes, varying between rock and downright corny love ballads. By the sixth switch, Engie snapped. "Enough! The kid won't know which gender to pick!" He switched it off.  
Soldier sat back and looked uncomfortable, rubbing his midsection. The van rumbling was the only sound for moments until...  
"WOOOW!"  
Engie almost smashed his foot through the floor to the road itself such was the way he hit the brakes. Everyone bounced from their seats. Pyro and Engineer looked at the road ahead, finding nothing, even with the high beam lights.  
"Wha-what's wrong? Was it a deer?"  
"Mmmph mmph." Pyro didn't know either.  
They both looked at soldier, who was holding his gut.  
"Damn fine kick..."

The trip resumed but within minutes the van slowly came to a halt. The three men looked at eachother.  
Engie blushed. "We're...out of gaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He gasped as Soldier grabbed his throat.  
"HOW DUMB ARE YOU? OUT OF GAS? IN THE MIDDLE OF...WHEREVER THIS IS? WE'RE GONNA GET KILLED OUT HERE! WOLVES, VAMPIRES, CHAINSAW PEOPLE!"  
He released Engineer from his iron grip.  
"Calm down Soldier, we'll get help, don't worry." He said, gasping for air.  
"Don't worry? No one passes by this road, the HQ is fifteen kilometers away and we have no food or water!"  
"Well there's the jars."  
Soldier became sick from the thought. Engie looked around. "Where's Pyro?"  
The two men came out onto the road to find Pyro pouring his flamethrower tank into the van.  
"Mmmmph!" He said, giving a thumbs up.  
Solly hugged the masked lunatic like a giant plush.  
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph!" He hugged back.

MYSTIQUE SNACK BAR - OPEN 24 HOURS The neon sign might as well been the gates to heaven for the mercenaries. "Never On Sunday" by The Chordettes could be heard from inside.  
Soon, Solly was devouring a lasagna for two by himself, while his mates savoured ice cream, just amazed at the eating rate.  
Engineer put down his spoon. "So...did you think of any names already?"  
"What?" The word came out with sauce at the end.  
"You know." He pointed at his belly.  
"Oh...yeah...I'm not decided yet."  
"Mmmmph mmph mph?"  
"Well it's between Ranger, Marine, Trooper and Dragoon."  
Engie facepalmed. "I'm sure whatever you choose will fit nicely."  
The waitress came by. "Coffee?"  
"No thanks, it makes it kick more." Solly said, tapping his belly. His mates froze.  
She looked weirded out, then laughed it off and went away.  
Pyro and Engie exhaled in relief. "Shall we go home now?"  
"Wait, gotta pee again." He lumbered away.  
An old woman nearby leaned over. "Ranger sounds lovely if I do say so myself." 


	6. Chapter 6

First of all, thanks for your support! Glad to know this makes someone laugh out there ;). This is a longer chapter for a change, kind of a 2-in-1. Also, chapter 2 got a small update.

* * *

Most of the team went to visit their respective families, leaving a core of Heavy, Medic, Pyro and Soldier to care for the facilities during the holiday.  
The halls were quiet and the sounds of Archimedes and his friends was heard from the sunny outside. The percussion to these sounds were Medic's boots as he travelled corridor by corridor in search. Making a sharp turn he was startled by a flow of soap bubbles hitting his face.  
"Mmmmph!"  
"My, herr Pyro, if I have a heart attack, who will cure yours?" He said, laughing from the shock. "As long as you're here, can you tell me where is Soldier?"  
"Mmmmph mmph mmmmph!" He muffled, while exhibiting a lifting motion.  
"Ah very well, thank you."  
"Mmmph!" He ran down the corridor, giggling.

The gym was equally deserted, nothing but the sound of metal clinking denouncing Solly's presence in a corner.  
Medic came in and was immediately struck by the sight of his mate doing squats multipower with large weights on each side, grunting as he went up and down.  
"SOLDIER, STOP THAT RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" The doctor's order echoed.  
The metal bar clinked into place.  
"What?"  
"Are you out of your mind? Doing this, in your state?"  
"Why not, I'm just doing 20Kgs, I usually do 30. Besides, you're the one who said I should exercise during this time."  
"Not like this! I'm amazed you didn't break your waters!"  
"Waters?"  
"Oh never mind, come along."

The sun shone through the gym windows upon the mini mattresses that Medic picked up to show Soldier his views on "exercise".  
"There, now sit down please."  
Soldier looked dubious but sat down anyway.  
"Now, spread your legs."  
He did so.  
"Breathe in...and out...Imagine the energy coming in...and out of you..."  
Soldier lifted an eyebrow, but complied to inhale and exhale in sync with Medic.  
"Expand your diaphragm, let it all in, visualize the baby receiving it...then out...Now lie down and lift your legs up."  
Medic smiled and tapped Solly's dome.

Soldier was on all fours. The shirt rolled up from the gravity to let the sun warm his bump.  
"Now, extend your right arm and left leg in opposite directions, imagine you're an airplane...Okay now left arm and right leg. Very good. This will help you gain flexibility for later on."

Medic sat his comrade on a fitness ball. Solly struggled to keep his balance as gymnastics were an afterthought compared to muscle building in his routine.  
"Now, keep your balance and grab my hands, I'll pull you forward while you try to sit down on the ball."  
Soldier did so. After a few stretches, he let go Medic's hands and looked with a stern face.  
"Doc, you mind telling me what kind of pussy training is this? Is this what you use to recruit ballerinas or something? When does the real deal begin?!"  
The doctor used his middle finger to place his glasses back up, landing an evil look upon Solly. "Wait two more months, you'll see the real deal."

* * *

No position seemed right for Solly. Twisting left and right did no good to alleviate the discomfort. He was used to sleep belly-down, which was impossible now with this bundle of joy...and nausea-inducing whirls.  
Medic couldn't stand the mattress squeaking above and got out of bed, turning the lamp on.  
"Soldier, what is going on?" He said, climbing the stairs to the top bed.  
"I can't sleep, it's like I've eaten a live octopus."  
Medic pinched the bottom of the shirt. "May I?"  
Soldier nodded. The doctor pulled back the shirt and the belly was moving alright. It reacted to Medic's cold fingers, now gloveless for a change.  
A few palpations later Medic covered the paunch. "Get something warm to eat, then walk around a little, the movement will rock the little one to sleep."

Heavy was in the kitchen, eating a three story sandvich, when Solly came in, massaging his abdomen with a sickened look.  
"Everything good american?"  
He let go his hands of his midsection abruptly. "Uh...yes...midnight snacking too?"  
Heavy nodded, mouth full.  
Soldier prepared a cup of tea in silence, under the watchful gaze of his bigger comrade.  
He took a sip and looked upward. Heavy's eyes could stab him. "What?"  
"What is happening to you? You are eating more than me and getting bigger and bigger. Why?"  
Soldier's face instantly reddened. A moment of silence as he thought of an excuse.  
"Well you see...I...want to be like you."  
"You ok american? Like me?"  
"Yeah, I want to be big and strong like you. The rest of the team should see you as a model too."  
"Ho ho ho, you flatter me, am I like that to you?"  
"Sure!"  
"I agree with you, rest of team is babies."  
"Yeah...they sure are." He avoided eye contact.  
"Come, give me a hug."  
He grabbed him and squeezed him tight. Solly thought he dodged a bullet when a kick betrayed him.  
Heavy looked down and then up at Soldier.  
"Hee...hee..." Solly started trembling.  
Medic came in, giving Soldier a chance to slip away from Heavy's grasp.  
"You tell him doc!" He said, brushing past the doctor on his way out.

* * *

Soldier waited in the balcony, walking back and forth with the tea in his hand when a bit of the liquid spilled forth by the startle of Heavy's screaming in the hallways.

A little later Medic showed up to also look at the stars.  
"I take it he didn't react well." Soldier commenced.  
"Yes, but not because it's you that's carrying the child."  
Soldier turned his head. "Then what was it?"  
Medic cleaned his glasses. "You see, Heavy didn't actually know where babies came from."  
"Uh?" Soldier looked dumbfounded.  
"Like Pyro, he still thought storks brought children into the world!"  
A pause before the two men burst out laughing.  
Medic caught his breath. "He thought he was pregnant too! You should have seen his face! Priceless!"  
"The dumb maggot!" Soldier wiped his eyes, still laughing. "Well I better hit the hay. Good night doc, thanks for the help."  
"Don't mention it, Heavy will not spill a word until you want to. Oh, did the acrobatics stop?"  
Soldier held his bump. "Yeah, I guess the fella went to sleep finally."


	7. Chapter 7

Soldier woke up, the sun was high outside and the room was vacant. Still dazed from oversleeping, he sat up and wiped his eyes. Something did not feel right.  
He looked down, his t-shirt was wet around his chest and was sticky. A weird milk odour permeated.  
"Oh not again."

"Yo Soldier, I wanna take a shower you know! Bust out!" Scout screamed, towel in hand, jogging in place.  
Inside the bathroom, the american scrubbed the shirt furiously to remove the stains. "Hold your horses boy, I'll be out in a minute."  
"Come on fatso!"  
The door inhaled the breeze as it opened abruptly. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME MAGGOT?" The shirtless man said, red-faced.  
"FATSO, look at you!"  
"Why you little..." Soldier tried to grab Scout but he just double jumped over him and entered the bathroom, locking his mate out hugging thin air.

Kitchen, 1 PM

Engie sat in front of Pyro, the two mercenaries eating their respective lunches. Engie nodded periodically, just in case, because Pyro's eating noises were indistinguishable from his talking.  
Soldier came in, blank-faced, at least from what could be noticed without his eyes. He sat down and held his heavy chin.  
"What's up?" Engie asked.  
A moment of silence. Heavy then came and placed a plate of pasta on the table. "Pasta for two." He smiled. Soldier tapped his arm thankfully.  
He started eating but soon began playing with the food, staring into the horizon.  
"Mmmph mmph mmmph?"  
"Am...am I ugly?"  
"What?" Engie looked surprised.  
"Do I disgust people?"  
His comrade thought for a little how to answer. "No, what makes you think that?"  
"Nothing, forget about that."  
"You're fine, whoever tells you otherwise should take that back though."  
"Mmmph mph mmmph?"  
Soldier looked down and there was another stain. "Damn!"  
"You should wear...something."  
Soldier's mouth expressed nothing but embarassed contempt. "I've been humiliated enough!"  
He then calmed down a little, and thought for a while, still playing with the food. "Engie..."  
"Yes?"  
"About that pump. Think you could get it done today?"  
"Sure, it's easy as pie."  
Pyro then turned his neck curiously at Solly. "Mmmph mmph mmmph mmph?"  
"What?" Soldier said, then lifted his knife and fork and to his surprise, he had knitted the spaghetti to a little pair of socks. Pyro giggled and clapped, then ran to him and gave him a hug while the other two men laughed as well.

Kitchen, 1 AM

"You are not fat, people called me fat too, they are not anymore though." Heavy said, putting a reassuring arm over Solly's shoulder. "Remember, it is a choice to let things break you. You are strong."  
"Really?"  
"Really."  
"Thanks...oh...wait for it...HUFF! It pushed again!" He then looked to the side and saw his mate holding his abdomen in the same manner as he was.  
"What's wrong with you?"  
Medic closed a cupboard. "He now has sympathy pains, believe it or not."  
Heavy smiled.  
Scout rushed in and headed to the refrigerator, grabbing a glass bottle with a little mad milk left on the bottom. He took a shot and swallowed. "Man, this is delicious!" He looked at the bottle. "Did we order a new brand?"  
"Mwahahahahahaha! Hehehehehe!" Soldier laughed demonically, the other three people looking at him without a clue. 


	8. Chapter 8

Early morning. Demoman was picking a bottle from within a chest, which would be the drink for the day. Soldier was watching.  
"Why don't you drink with me anymore lad? We used to have so much fun laughing our hats off!"  
"I've told you a dozen times, I...can't."  
"You haven't told me a dozen times the reason though. Why do you not drink anymore?"  
"I just can't." Soldier lowered his helmet to cover his eyes.  
"This long break is bad for you. You're becoming a damn girl."  
Soldier turned red.  
""Oh I can't drink, oh I can't walk that far, oh my back hurts!" Damn sissy."  
An angry puff of air whistled out of Solly's nose. He got up.  
"That's it, I've had it!" He grabbed Demo's collar. "Look scot, I'm not a girl, you're hearing me? I'm just pregnant with the damn Admin's baby."  
Demo struggled to swallow. "So you're not a girl huh."

Medic was outside with Engie and Pyro getting ready to enter the van.  
"Ah Soldier, good timing, I was just going to call you."  
Soldier looked tired and sullen.  
"What's wrong, kicking?"  
"Nah...cramps. Doc, look at me, I can't even walk right anymore."  
Medic looked down. Soldier's legs were spread a little wider than usual.  
"Oh, that's normal, it must have turned around so the head is facing down. Anyway, climb up, we're going shopping."  
"Shopping?" Soldier looked confused.  
"Yes, we need supplies and we'll have an extra soon, so we're going to the big street today."

The street was a mess of people. Young and old, all crossed the car-less pavement from shop to shop. By the time the team got there, the midday sun shone hot.  
"Engie, you and Pyro go and shop ahead for food."  
"Mmmph!"  
"Right."  
Off they went, leaving Soldier and Medic walking to opposite side of the commercial zone.  
"Now, let's go to the tailor first. Come on!"  
"Doc, slower, it's like I have a bowling ball between my legs!"  
"Sssh! Don't speak about that out loud!"  
"Oh yeah...I'm sure that will be everyone's first thought."  
"You really need bigger clothes, Heavy's won't even fit you anymore!"

A bell rang as the door brushed past it, welcoming the duo in. A tailor with the most immaculate moustache lifted an eyebrow and then smiled.  
"Ah, Doctor! Blessed eyes upon you!" He shook his hand then looked at the other man.  
"Heavy! My, you've become shorter!"  
Medic put his hand on Soldier's shoulder. "Ha ha ha, no, this is not Heavy. I mean, he is heavy, but not Heavy."  
"Who is it then?"  
"I'm Soldier." He declared.  
"Soldier? You have been eating well so I see!"  
"Yeah..."  
"He needs some new clothes, I'm sure you can see why."  
"Surely! I'll just get my gear. Feel free to browse."

Engineer and Pyro were choosing fruit in a relatively tranquil shop.  
"Mmmph mmph mmmmph. Mmmph mmmph, mmph mmmmph?"  
Engie stopped and looked at the orange like a crystal ball. "Uh...maybe a boy? I can't imagine Soldier raising anything else. What do you think?"  
"Mmmph."  
"Yeah, maybe."  
"Mmmph mmph mmmph?"  
"Oh I'm sure he'll let you hold him, or her."  
Pyro made a happy sound.

"Now hold still, let me just put the pin." The Tailor was on his knees marking both the new trousers and shirt.  
Solly was trembling, thinking to himself "Please don't kick, please don't kick, please don't kick.". It didn't, much to his relief.  
"Are you sure you want to leave it this loose still?"  
"Yes, I don't think he's getting any smaller soon. We are on a cease fire you see."  
"Very well, I should have it done by 5pm."  
"Good, we'll do some more shopping in the meantime. Right?"  
Soldier was still looking at himself on the mirror, admiring his size. "Yeah...let's go."

Amid all those people, the men caught glace of eachother and reunited. Medic looked at the list.  
"Next, is the pharmacy. Move along."  
Not everyone felt comfortable in the clean white and green environment of the pharmacy.  
"Powdered milk, antiseptic, rash cream, talco, ah, some extra soft cloth diapers too."  
"Powdered?" Soldier enquired.  
"Just in case."  
"In case Scout prefers the house brand." Engie shuckled.  
Engie looked at the counter. "Doc, you should buy more rash cream."  
"I think we have plenty for the first months."  
Engie blushed and spoke to his ear. "It's...for me, for when I sit in that hot dispenser for hours."  
Medic laughed softly. "Oh, I...understand, alright."  
Pyro came running with a book on his hands. "Mmmph mmph mmph?"  
Medic took a glance. "Oh! Good call Pyro, this should come in handy!" The book was entitled "Maternity Now".  
Soldier suddenly looked more nervous than before. "I don't think we need that..."  
"Why not?"  
"Er...I should trust my mater-I mean paternal instinct, right?"  
"Yes, but it's a new experience and one should be prepared."  
"I...don't want it."  
"Why?"  
Soldier scratched his head and looked down. "I...I...have trouble reading."  
The rest of the team looked at each other with a "Oooh..." expression.  
Engie grabbed Solly's arm. "Is that it? I can help you with that, don't worry."  
Soldier looked up. "Really?"  
"Mmmph mmph!" Pyro grabbed his other arm.  
"Eh, I'm sure you will too mate." Engie smiled, looking at the masked manchild. 


	9. Chapter 9

Soldier was outside taking a stroll, as well as he could manage, like a giant walking over a city. He then stopped in the shade. Left and right he looked, then raised his shirt and let the sun shine upon his bump.  
He poked it.  
Then poked it again in different spots.  
Then he jiggled a little.  
"Hey!"

The infirmary had a different look thanks to the daylight slashing through the windows, which made it more welcoming and less scary.  
The sound of the typewriter was like a jumpy machine gun, with a focused Medic behind it scrolling his eyes along the lines.  
Soldier opened the door and closed it carefully.  
"You could knock before you know."  
"Afraid to be catched or something?"  
"Why are you here?"  
"Doc, I can't feel it move."  
"That's normal, you don't move all the time either."  
"But I haven't felt anything since yesterday!"  
"Since when do you care?"  
"This is my paycheck we're talking about here! Also, I'm worried. Can you help me?"  
"All this time you didn't want to be examined and now you knock at my door. Hell, not even that."  
Solly removed his helmet. "Please."  
Medic could now see the concern in his eyes. It was genuine. "Lay down there, I'll be back."

He did so, removing his coat in the process. His fingers danced impatiently and his eyes scanned the different instrumentation, wondering what the doctor was up to.  
Medic came back pushing a machine on wheels to the side of the bed.  
"What's that?"  
"We're gonna do an ultrasound."  
Without asking, he hastened to lift the shirt up and spread a gel over Solly's midsection.  
"Whoo, that's cold."  
Medic then grabbed the probe and rubbed it over the paunch, looking at the screen at the same time.  
"Everything seems normal. Listen, 130 heartbeats per minute, it's as it should be."  
Soldier looked amazed.  
"Look." Medic moved the screen to face his mate. "It's sucking its thumb. It must be asleep. Bad angle to see what gender it is though, can't tell..."  
A silly smile of wonder filled Solly's face. "Mah baby..."

The door opened and Sniper walked in.  
"Hey, I'm early! Doc, I have this cold and..."  
The scene broke his brain. The silence was even more disconcerting, then he looked at the screen. Medic and Solly just looked at him like kids with their hands on a cookie jar.  
Sniper fainted.  
Medic returned to scan the belly. Solly kept looking at Sniper on the floor. "Oh what's the point? Even I wouldn't believe my excuse."  
"I wouldn't worry too much." Medic said, cleaning the skin of the goop. "Come, let's have a walk, maybe it'll wake up."

The two walked by on the corridor, then arrived at the entrance to the living room. The door was locked.  
Medic looked puzzled, knocking at the door.  
"Mmmph!" Was heard from the other side.  
"Pyro, open the door."  
"Mmmph mmph!"  
"Hey firebug, what are you doing on there?"  
Silence, then a key turned.  
Soldier opened the door. Suddenly a bunch of confetti and fanfare sounds exploded in the living room, which was filled with presents and candy to a pseudo, tiny pyroland.  
Medic was awestruck. "What is this?"  
"Mmmmph!" Pyro said, giving him a cup of tea.  
"Baby shower?" Soldier was still taking it in.  
"Uh, that's original, nice work Pyro!"  
"Mmmmmph!" He pointed to the sofa. Medic and Soldier promptly sat. Heavy and Engineer came in, wondering what the racket was all about.  
Pyro ran to grab a long present and put it on the coffee table, then removed the cover.  
Soldier's eyes glistened. A collection of knitted hats was presented to him, ranging from little beanies to nightcaps and even a hat with a target on the forehead.  
"Pyro, this is...great!"  
The arsonist giggled and jumped, then hugged the american.  
"Oh!" Soldier looked down. "It kicked! It woke up finally!" Heavy put his hand next to the bump.  
"Mmmmph, mmph mmmmph mmph?"  
Soldier contemplated the question. "Uh...I don't know if I can knit."  
"Mmph mmmph!"  
"Even then..." He looked at a beanie in a form of a breast, with nipple as a pom-pom. "I guess I could give it a shot, it's not like I have much to do anyways."  
"Oh there's a tiny weeny head band!" Heavy almost lost it between his huge hands though.  
Engineer wheeled in another huge gift. Soldier was helped by Pyro to unwrap it.  
"Wow! High tech!"  
"Yes, a mechanized crib, with a tape deck for lullabies, colored lights with dimming functionality, intercom and pre-warming feature. I'm proud of this creation if I may say so."  
"Thanks Engie, really."  
Pyro grabbed a huge teddy bear with a ribbon on it and put it inside the crib. "Mmmmph!"  
Heavy opened another gift and removed a cloth from inside. The mercenaries looked at it unimpressed, but antecipating. "It's just a cloth, but, when you wrap it around the child..." He wrapped the cloth around his huge arm and suddenly the trick was revealed. "...it looks like your bazooka! And baby is rocket! Da?"  
Everyone laughed at the big man's gift. Till the evening, the crew had tea and opened the rest of the gifts. 


	10. Chapter 10

The nesting spirit had arrived, prompting the team to overhaul Medic and Soldier's room. Heavy was waving a huge brush with lighter blue on the walls while Pyro piggyback rode him to stick stars on the ceiling. Soldier was helping Engie apply a metallic grid to his bed for extra protection when Medic came in.  
"Good news everybody! We have been chosen to go to space!"  
"Really?" Engie muffled with a nail on his mouth.  
"Yes, we beat RED on Doomsday 31-27 and as such we are to succeed Poopy Joe!"  
"Huddaaaaaaaah! Mmmmph!" Pyro reached for the stars moving like a spaceship, while Heavy tried to prevent him from falling.  
"The Admin will then nominate five people to fly the shuttle and POW! We're swimming in money." He left whistling in joy.  
"Should be interesting." Engie said.  
"And I'm supposed to stay here with the kid? Bummer..."  
"Er...American?"  
"What?" He then looked at what Heavy was pointing at. His trousers were soaked.  
Engie pulled back. "Dude! I'd rather you go to the bathroom a thousand times than do that! Go clean yourself!"  
"Crap, I can't hold a beer anymore." He left, trying to walk without rubbing his legs.  
Engie looked at his two mates. "What was that about?"

Solly, now in clean trousers, put his dirty ones atop a pile of clothes in the laundry room, then proceeded to walk to the balcony to read a little of his new book.  
Pyro soon walked out too to sit next to him.  
"Mmmmph?"  
"It's going alright, still don't get alot of words though."  
Pyro got closer and the two started reading together.

Ten minutes later Medic came to the laundry room to put the dirty clothes in the machine when he picked up Soldier's trousers.  
"Eww..."  
He then looked closer. Then smelled it.  
"This is not pee...smells like...amniotic fluid..."  
A sudden realization. "MEIN GOTT! SOLDIER!"

Pyro and Soldier kept on flipping the pages and wondering at the illustrations that made the american amazed at what was really happening.  
"Hey Pyro!" Engie called from afar.  
"Mmmph!" He ran out, leaving Soldier by himself. This is when Spy decided to uncloak behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Woah!" Soldier turned back, startled. "What are you doing here?"  
"What is going on?" Spy asked, determined.  
Soldier closed the book and slid it away. "Nothing, I was just..."  
"What?"  
Soldier's breath reached a crescendo and suddenly he put his hand on this belly. "OW...oh...my god...AH!"  
Spy looked dumbfounded, not knowing how to react, except helping his comrade get up.  
"SOLDIER!" Medic called.  
"IN HERE, OW OW OW, HELP!"  
The doctor rushed in and helped Spy walk Soldier out.  
"Just what the hell is going on?" Spy shouted.  
"His waters broke, the child is coming."  
"WHAT?"  
The three rushed into the infirmary.

Medic stripped Soldier's shirt and put the mounted medigun pointed at him while he lay in the bed. He hastened to put on gloves and examine the paunch really carefully as Pyro, Engie, Heavy and Sniper joined the party.  
"Too many people here, move along!" Said Medic, waving them away.  
"I want to see!" Heavy said.  
Medic cleared up a bench full of instruments. "Sit there, and don't touch anything!"  
"OUCH, DOCTOR GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!"  
"Tell me Soldier, what is the interval between those pains?"  
"Interval? IT'S ALL THE TIME!"  
"Well, I guess you don't have contractions, maybe the organs are being pressed."  
"Whatever, just do it!"  
"Easy, we must wait."  
"Wait?"  
"The Administrator wants to be here when it happens, I've told her to come ASAP."  
Soldier grabbed his abdomen, screaming profanities in agony. Pyro ran out.  
"Keep still, this will help with the pain." The doctor injected him with a painkiller. "Now, breathe, I know it's hard but it helps with the pain." He then started doing an ultrasound.  
Soldier tried to breathe and keep calm but a sharp pain negated all the effort. "OOOOOWWWW!"  
Pyro came in again with a spare mask on his hands and a container. He put in in Soldier's face.  
For a brief moment, Solly visited Pyroland, a chocolate house with all his friends around and a giant cupcake where his belly should be. Happiness was everywhere as Medic splashed his cupcake with a sweet topping.

Then reality came back when the firebug removed the mask. Medic looked at Soldier's dazed but calmed look. "What's that?"  
"Mmmph mmph."  
"Laughing gas? Ho, ho, you think of everything herr Pyro!" 


	11. Chapter 11

Pyro kept whispering muffled sentiments to Solly's ear while he tried to contain the urge to scream his lungs out, such was the pain he was going through.  
Medic didn't know what else to do and almost grabbed the knife when he heard a car approaching, and soon the bell rang.  
Sniper, the closest to the door, rushed out of the infirmary. In a minute, fast paced high heels were heard and the Administrator, followed by Miss Pauling, entered. "So soon?"  
She took the place opposite of Pyro, smiling devilishly. "Here, grab my hand Soldier, be strong." She instantly regretted this decision when he crushed her bony fingers, letting out a long howl. The Admin joined the screaming until Heavy broke Solly's grasp.

Medic readily applied anasthesia to the belly and waited a minute, took a breath, and started cutting. The crowd pushed themselves to take a peek. Layer by layer, the doctor reached the child. "The artificial womb broke down and the baby is pushing the major organs, I'll have to pry it out of there, but first I need to unattach the womb, which is tethered to his body."  
"What does that mean doctor?" Engie asked.  
"It means both are in danger. They need to be ok once the medigun is removed, and peeling off the womb walls will be hard."  
With the greatest of care, Medic started scraping the inside of the belly and Soldier let out a scream. Heavy did so too, holding his own belly. Admin looked surprised but was relieved when Medic raised his eyes and shrugged off. "Pay no mind to him."

An hour of this went by and finally the child was loose. After Solly's last wail, Medic picked it up and for the first time the father saw the blood-stained baby boy.  
Pauling's eyes glowed at the event.  
The Admin was disgusted. "Aw, I was expecting a girl..." She rushed out of the room, slamming the door.  
"Mmmmph mmph."  
"Oh the hell with her, doc, how is he?" Soldier asked.  
The doctor's face was grim as a winter funeral. The baby was motionless, just laying there on his hands. Finally he spoke. "I'm...I'm sorry Soldier..."  
The whole team dropped their expressions.  
"He's stillborn."  
"What?"  
"I'm sorry." He cut the cord and started to go to the counter.  
"Doc, let me hold him."  
He looked at Soldier, then placed the child on his arms and proceeded to remove the placenta and close the opening. Never was there any eye contact.  
A fine line of water escaped Soldier's eyes. "Can I be alone please?"  
The whole team looked at eachother and promptly left the room, leaving their mate alone.  
The silence was overwhelming, not even a glimpse of gossip outside the room, everyone was struck. Then the sound of Pyro crying, muffled, but still heartbreaking.  
Solly's hands shook from both anger, tiredness and fear. He didn't even think of the pain along his abdomen, he just felt the cool skin of his baby, running his big hand along the feet, belly, head and arms, palpating. He lay his finger on the baby's hand and closed his eyes.

Then they opened when he felt a slight squeeze. The baby curled his fingers around his dad's. Solly's eyes welled up and raised to see the empty room. There was hope. His heart started racing.  
"DOC, DOC, COME QUICK!"  
Medic rushed in, with a tail of six teammates, Demo having been told the news. Miss Pauling trailed behind to see the miracle.  
"Doc, look!" The baby was opening his blue eyes to see the world.  
Medic quickly grabbed the child and wrapped him around a warm blanket, then administering oxygen while stimulating his body. Finally, a loud baby's cry filled the room.  
Soldier threw his head back and laughed, Pyro, Engie and Heavy hugged him at once.

Later that day...  
Soldier was in a rocking chair Engineer designed with all kinds of utilities and sockets. He cradled the child, whispering into his ear to help him sleep, still with a battered look from the delivery, but still with a peaceful aura around him, that the fireplace helped complement.  
The Admin was looking from the door. It took a while for Soldier to catch a glimpse of her. He craned his head towards her.  
"I don't care what you think. He's mine. Better to not know what an ugly and evil ma he has anyway."  
"I'm sorry Soldier, I didn't mean to hurt you, I had just envisioned a stronger version of me and seeing him crushed that, but I'm happy for you...and me as well."  
Soldier did not respond.  
"Don't take it the wrong way, I love him too." She approached and kissed both the baby and Solly's forehead.  
"Oh, and the "ugly ma", is that girl in the magazine you used to get me that sample. Just so you know." She left the room.  
Soldier's chin hit the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

So I finally got some free time to write, and have uploaded a short chapter while my eyelids permit it. This story is not over yet, and thanks for the warm reviews!

* * *

The crickets played their evening concert, as the mercenaries dreamed in their beds, getting their much needed sleep. In a room with a bunk bed, the tenth mercenary slept snuggled close to his daddy, his little fingers clinging to Solly's soft night shirt. With his eyes closed, he nibbled at the fabric, wetting it. Soon the baby became restless, kicking at his father's stomach and pushing away, and finally woke him up with a piercing cry.  
Solly looked at his new irregular alarm clock, slowly regaining his senses. "Oh what's the matter now?"

He held up the child and smelled him. He smelled as good as was possible in that base. He then tried singing a little army song with his raspy, but soft voice. Nothing seemed to calm the child, and finally Medic climbed the stairs.  
"Soldier, attend the child, PLEASE!"  
"I would, if I knew what he wanted!"  
The doctor sighed. "Look, he's moving his mouth and putting his fingers on it, what do you think he wants?"  
"Oh right, uh..." Soldier looked embarassed.  
"What?"  
"Look away, I can't do it with you watching."  
"Oh please...alright."  
Soldier then proceeded to remove his shirt and bring the baby to him. Like a willing plunger, the child latched on.  
"You can look now."  
Medic watched carefully. After a while, Soldier was turning red, twitching his face, trying not to scream.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Doc, this hurts...really bad."  
"No wonder, you're both doing it wrong."  
"What? Is there more to it?"

Medic introduced a finger between the baby's mouth and Soldier's faucet, breaking the suction painlessly. He sighed in relief, but the wailing resumed.  
"Now, bring him to you, and wait for an open mouth, then give him a mouthful of moob, so he covers everything and isn't pecking."  
The baby's cries were muted when Solly did as he was told, and shortly after, satisfied gulps were being heard from the baby.  
"What about now?"  
"It's not that bad actually, it's weird, but nice at the same time. Why didn't you teach me this before?"  
"You didn't ask. I'm here to help, if you want me to.  
Soldier smiled and looked down. "Thanks. Dad's bouffet, open 24/7, right little one?"  
Medic left both of them in the magical moment. Solly locked his eyes on his baby, and his pearly little eyes focused just far enough to recognize his caregiver's features. To the child, Soldier was his world, all he could see for now, and everything he needed to thrive.  
He cuddled the newborn next to him, skin to skin and pulled the covers, still looking at the sucking child. Like so, sleep overtook him.

In the morning, the team was eating breakfast with sagged expressions that their baggy eyes helped complement. Everyone's sleep was compromised by the new arrival. Even Pyro seemed less enthusiastic than his usual self, but still happy to see Soldier bring in the child to the table. The new family smiled and forgot their sleeping troubles as soon as the pearly eyes started scanning the room.  
"Mmmmph mmph mmmph mmph?"  
"Not really, just the usual midnight snacks. My clock is all messed up though."  
They ate their food without much talking, but suddenly Spy lifted his head and pulled his nose out of the mask.  
"What's that smell?" He implied.  
A choir of "EEEEWWWWW" sang in disgust.  
"Oh wait, wait, wait!" Sniper grabbed a jar and handed it to Soldier, who looked at it clueless. "To grab the pee! Do it!"  
"You're crazy, Pyro, can you help me change him?"  
"Mmmph!"

"JESUS! That toxic waste!" The smell permeated the room, throwing Soldier aback from the sheer intensity. Pyro, being masked, hardly smelled anything.  
"Here, grab his legs." Soldier proceeded to clean the area and then a clean cloth diaper was put underneath the child. Pyro put down the legs and ran to grab his flamethrower.  
"What are you doing Pyro? NO DON'T DO THAT! AAAAAAAA!"  
A puff of talco powder was expelled with the airblast, making the room and the two men covered in the fine, perfumy snow, and making the baby look like freshly baked bread.  
"You could have just given me the bottle."  
"Mmmph!" Pyro just raised his shoulders.


	13. Chapter 13

Major turn of events next chapter, this is a cutesy one before the storm.

* * *

"STAB MY EARS OUT, MAKE IT STOP!" Soldier couldn't handle the crying any further. His eyes were red with a dark contour, his nipples were sore, his arms were tired of holding, his legs were stiff from standing so much and his mind was breaking.  
It was one of those moments when babies just cry for nothing at all, but Soldier didn't know that and stomped the floor furiously, frustrated at his inability to know what tormented his son.  
It was a "quiet" day at the headquarters otherwise, which made the racket of the child all the more disconcerting.

Then, as an angel sent from heaven, Heavy entered. He approached his comrade and simply extended his arms. Solly, with great delicacy, placed Ranger upon the bigger hands.  
"Go outside american, be human for a while. Do not worry."  
He sighed in relief and placed his forehead on Heavy's shoulder. "Thanks. I'll catch up on some ZZs..."  
Heavy nodded and watched him leave limping from sheer exhaustion.

"Sssshhhh...Little baby do not cry...uncle Heavy is here...ssshhh..." He cradled the child close to him, the head resting below his throat. The deep voice of the russian mercenary vibrated enough to lull the little one to sleep in a matter of minutes. Whatever background he had with children, it was being put to good use, and his own big chest felt like a bed to the child, rising and falling rythmically. Slowly, Heavy sat on a rocking chair without moving the baby, and just waved back and forth, then his own eyelids became heavy...

He woke up without the baby, and quickly snapped into worry. "BABY?"  
He looked everywhere, under the sofa, in the cupboards, the crib, under his shirt. "Did I eat him?"  
He held his stomach. "NO, SOLDIER IS GONNA KILL ME!"  
Medic passed by with the baby in his arms. "Heavy, help me please."  
"BABY!"  
He followed the doctor to the large bathroom, wherein a steel basin was filled with water. "Are we cooking, Doktor?"  
"Nein, this baby is filthy, you're not supposed to bath him everyday, but this is too much. Here, hold him."  
Heavy took the baby in his arms and Pyro arrived. Medic touched the water with his elbow. "Hmm...still not warm enough, I might have to bring another pot.  
"Hudda!" Pyro formed a small kamehameha and shot it at the basin.  
"YYYYYYEAAAAAAOOOWWWWWW!" Medic jumped back, elbow red by the burn. "PYRO, WARN ME NEXT TIME!"  
Heavy and Pyro began undressing the baby, which seemed happy to get off all those layers of wool clothing. After Medic applied soothing cream to his burn, he examined the baby for any rashes. "Very well, the belly button is healing perfectly. Now we need some ice cubes for that damn volcano."  
"Mmmmphh..."

When the water temperature got bearable, the trio proceeded to wash the child, which cried at first, but soon Pyro's theatrics became more important. A multitude of hands rubbed the soft body and Medic's thinner, more delicate fingers attended to the more sensitive parts like the eyes and the ears. A very minute amount of soap was needed, and the baby was clean.

Solly came in, looking refreshed and alert. "You boys have been busy."  
"Here, grab this towel Soldier." Medic then grabbed the baby out of the basin and placed him on his father's arms. Soldier was much more calm now, sleep did him wonders.  
"C'mere sweetheart..." He gently dried his son and let Medic apply some cream before dressing him.  
Ranger started yawning, despite all this stimulation. "Oh, I better feed him before he's too tired to eat."

The rocking chair found its new occupant in the form of a bare chested Soldier feeding the baby to sleep. Medic was studying while Heavy just watched mesmerized.  
"Heavy, I can't letdown with that look you're giving me."  
The russian laughed and softened his expression.  
"I wish the Admin was here helping."  
"She is out of the country in a business trip, don't expect her here for a while." Medic said, without taking his eyes off his book.  
"Women..."  
Scout passed by and quickly twitched at the sight.  
"EW, dude, that's not right, cover yourself!"  
Soldier gave him an evil smile. "I thought you liked it."  
"What do you mean?"

An hour later, the living room was vacant except for Spy. Soldier, holding the drowsy child, approached him with feather feet and whispered.  
"Hey frenchman, can I ask you something?"  
"Oui."  
"What does that mean?"  
He rolled his eyes. "Yes."  
"Can you watch him while I workout?"  
"Me?"  
"He'll probably sleep the whole time, c'mon, look at me. I need to get my shape back!"  
"Oh fine."  
Ranger was exchanged from arms.  
"Have you seen Scout by any chance?"  
"Non, he won't come out of his room, I heard crying too."  
"Perfect... Now, just rock him a little bit and place him on the crib when you find his breathing is even."  
"Alright."  
"Thanks Spy, really."  
Spy then walked a little with the baby, sniffing his head. "What a nice smell...I should wear this!" He tapped his back gently and a little burp casually emanated from the child, along with something else, which made Spy look in horror.  
"Oh no, you got milk on my suit!"


	14. Chapter 14

Medic was reading the paper on the kitchen, feet on the table and cup of coffee at the ready. Soon he was joined by Engineer, who grabbed a yogurt. The sounds of the spoon and the cup seemed unusually loud.  
"Can you hear that?" Engineer enquired.  
Medic raised his sight. "Vat?"  
"Quiet."  
It was indeed eerily silent. Even the doves had the chance to chime in. The two men exchanged suspicious eyes. "Oh yeah..."  
Soldier came in, towel in hand, drying what little hair he had on his head and grabbed a protein shake from the fridge. He breathed heavily, still swollen from the training he so desperately needed not only to regain his form, but to get away from the father duties as well.  
"Soldier, where is your son?"  
"I left him with Spy."  
Engineer's eyes widened behind the goggles. "Spy?"  
"Yeah, why not?"  
"Nothing, I just don't see the logic."  
"He'll be fine."  
"Where is he?  
"He was in the living room when I left him."

It was vacant, the music from the crib still played, but dying as the cylinder slowed down. The breeze flowed in by the open balcony, it too unoccupied. The three men looked everywhere but no sign of the french babysitter. Only a trace of his perfume remained.

They then searched the bedrooms one by one and found nothing, except an embarrassed Heavy clutching a plush dolphin.  
"Have you seen Spy?"  
"No..." He said, hiding his childhood charm.  
"Come along." Ordered the doctor.

Then the garage, where all of Engie's toys lay scattered about. No one was playing with them.  
"SPY!" Soldier shouted. "Where the hell is he? I hope he's not outside, the kid can't get much sun yet."

Only when passing near the bathroom that they heard a slight bump, which repeated at regular intervals. It came from the storage room nearby.  
They opened the door and found Spy, riddled with cuts over his suit, gagged with a handkerchief and hands tied behind his back.  
Medic picked a note at his feet.

"The baby is our intelligence.  
The ticket to the stars is your intelligence.  
2Fort, tomorrow, 9AM.

Reliable Excavation Demolition"

They released their special agent, who started coughing. "It was the red Spy..."  
Medic helped him up. "Let's get you patched up. Come on. It must have been an ugly fight."  
"Baby is fine, he didn't hurt him at least."  
"Wait, can't the Admin stop this?" Engineer enquired.  
"She's out of the country, remember? They thought of everything." Medic said, leaving with the wounded man.  
Heavy looked lost. "Ticket to the stars?"  
"Heavy, the Doomsday contest we won to get to fly the Mann space ship, remember?"  
They both looked at Soldier. A ravenous wolf couldn't look more manic. He huffed and puffed, his veins pulsated and his face was like an angry traffic light.  
"GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Metal clinked as weapons were laid out. Rockets, fuel tanks, tons of bullets, even syringes were being prepped up on the table.  
The gear of combat was being handled with the most focus ever in their careers, an inexplicable but firm and reinforced union incited it.  
Medic was explaining to Pyro what was going on.  
"They want the contract that gets us the bonus for going to the Moon. They didn't find it so they took Ranger."  
"Mmmmph..."  
"I'm sorry Pyro, we're all in shock but promise me you'll be good tomorrow."  
Pyro didn't even answer. He threw his weapons on the floor and went to grab a metal case. From there he got his most dangerous weapon yet: The Phlogistinator.  
Medic cleaned his glasses. "You mean business. God help them." His eyebrows converged evilly.

Soldier grabbed one of his rocket launchers. Engineer looked at his unusual choice. "Direct Hit?"  
"I don't want to risk splash damage on the baby." His eagle eyes were proof that those rockets were going to hit their target.

Later that day, everyone was having supper except the obvious suspect.  
The night air broke in a pop of light with every rocket Soldier shot at the dummy targets.  
He shot. He reloaded. He jumped. He shot again.  
Amid this show of explosions Heavy appeared, holding a sandvich. He waited for Soldier to tire down before approaching him.  
"Here you go american, eat something."  
The sharpened look on Solly's eyes was scary, his anger flowed through every fiber of his body, visions of destruction raced in his mind.

But then it all broke down. He dropped the weapon and hugged Heavy, crying. Not a word, just constant wailing from a broken soul, which now felt incomplete as never before. His tears spilled forth unbridled, a nervous wreck behind an iron shell. He was a warrior, but now was also a father, and the two mindsets clashed violently.  
Heavy didn't hold it and hugged back, comforting his comrade until he took hold of his emotions and accepted the sandvich.  
The russian brushed his finger on his mate's eyes, wiping the tears off. "We make good team, right?"  
Soldier caught on with his breath. "Right."  
"Come, you need rest."  
They started walking inside.  
"What if he's hungry? Cold at night? They don't know him!"  
"Do not worry, if they want the paper, they'll treat the baby well. Doktor will give you something to relax and sleep, ok?"  
Soldier nodded. 


	15. Chapter 15

8:59 AM.  
There was a frisson in the morning, the atmosphere could be cut with a knife, then spread on toast.  
The waters of the sewers were motionless.  
The birds were too afraid to sing.  
No wind to whistle.  
Just deep silence.  
No announcer to declare war this time.

The Blu team stood in the respawn room in silence, just waiting.  
Then, 9:00 AM.  
The team rushed out, leaving Soldier alone. He closed his eyes, looked up and took a deep breath. Then the rocket launcher looked up.  
Medic overhealed whoever he could before joining his russian wall.  
Scout went left to the balcony and onto the roof, only to be headshot.  
Pyro, more cautiously, built up his Mmmph with his manmelter, poking at the Red Sniper.  
Demoman sticky trapped the intel entrances while Engie built his nest. The first victim was the Red Scout, having penetrated the exterior defenses but to a splattered messy death.  
Pyro taunted on the bridge, ready to dish out phlog madness everywhere, but the Red Spy took advantage and uncloaked in time to backstab him, however, Soldier was also behind him.  
"Cm'here cupcake, you're my first one." He dropped his equalizer, cracked his fingers and jammed a grenade in the Spy's mouth before throwing him to the water below.  
The splash was so big a bloody rainbow momentarily adorned the sky.  
Next he rocket jumped to the balcony, where he shot the Red Sniper to oblivion, then passing by unnoticed to the ramp to the intel.

Pyro patrolled the sewers, trying to stop any engie nest from being built. Amid the waters he heard a german accent. It was the Red Medic, heading to the Blu sewers, along with a Demoman for company.  
Swiftly and with caution, he followed them until they reached the stairs to the Blu base. There, the enemy Medic announced he was fully charged. Those were his last words before he was killed instantly by Pyro's Neon Annihilator, his buddy following shortly.

The Red Soldier and Red Pyro were parallel to the Blu Soldier, in that they were heading to the Blu intel. Engineer was alone heading back to his toys when he was faced with the duo. He didn't live long. Bit by bit, his nest was destroyed and soon the intel alarm sounded, with no Admin to speak.

"HELP!" Engineer frantically worked on a new sentry near the spawn. Medic and Heavy joined him to help kill the intel thiefs. With the worst timing possible, a ubered Red Medic and Heavy went up the stairs of the patio.  
The Blu Heavy only had time to slap away the medigun to point at the Engineer.  
Heavy sacrificed himself, serving as a temporary distraction.  
The Blu Medic ubercharged Engie and he was able to rebuild the sentry while being attacked by the duo.  
Eventually the uber subsided and the sentry went on firing, killing them both with the help of the now respawned Blu Demoman.

Blu Solly stood by the Red intel room, hearing the sentry beeps. Then the Blu Spy joined him, uncloaking.  
"Whoa!" You scared me.  
"I'll go first."  
Then Soldier saw something which caught his eye. He knelt over and picked up a bloody baby beanie, blue.  
"Oh...no..." He grabbed the hat with a trembling hand, and his eyes started welling up.  
"Spy's sappin mah sentry."  
Soldier's eyes snapped open. He screamed so hard his energy channeled a critical rocket to come out directly at the sentry, which went down after another one.  
The Red Engineer was trying to remove the sapper from the dispenser but Soldier grabbed him, pinned him down and put the shotgun in his mouth. Blu Spy looked away.  
After the destruction, Soldier's screaming stopped when he heard a cry.  
Ranger was under the desk, face full of fear.  
Soldier grabbed his son and tried to calm him down while Pyro joined him. The alarm sounded and the trio ran out of there.  
"Mmmmph!" Pyro pointed right to the ramp, then taunted.  
Spy went the other way."I'll go around to catch them from behind."  
Pyro cleared the way ahead of Soldier with his train of death, courtesy of the Phlogistinator. Red Soldier, Pyro, Demoman and Scout were reduced to orange ashes, serving as a carpet up the ramp.  
Blu Pyro met his doom when he was shot down by the Red Heavy on the respawn area. Solly hesitated but then Blu Spy backstabbed him, but missing the Medic. "Go, Go, Go!"

He escaped via the hole in the ground to the right, escaping an arrow by a hair.  
Down there, he saw the two exits to the bridge were sticky camped. He tried the sewers.  
He went down the stairs, killed the Red Spy again with his Equalizer in one hand while holding the child.  
Ahead, he stopped just short of being in range of a Red level 3 sentry gun, part of the sewer nest placed there. He ran back to the stairs but a Red Medic and Heavy stood in his way. The Medigun sparked and the Minigun spinned.  
"We've got you now. Drop the child so we can kill you."  
"YOU BASTARDS!"  
Soldier had no where to run. 


	16. Chapter 16

All sights were set on Solly, his hands trembling from fear, not of his death, for it would be one in many, but the fate of his offspring.  
The minigun looped with its infernal whine.  
Solly closed his eyes and kissed the child's head.  
"I'm sorry kid."  
He carefully lay his son on the steps and backed away, opening his arms.  
Then an uncloaking sound surged, and a female figure formed.  
Two backstabs marked the end of the duo that was ready to kill Solly, who promptly picked up the baby to let the bodies roll down the stairs.  
When he looked up he saw an angel, a withered, old and grumpy angel.  
"Stalemate." The Administrator threw her cigarrette at the rest of the Red team, who arrived in time to see the revelation.  
The clinking of metal from the guns dropping ended the battle, and the Reds slowly backed away, heads down.

Later that day...  
The Admin was cradling Ranger in the rocking chair, his little eyes ready to succumb to a dreamland. The room was serene and everyone was at ease, even with their intimidating boss present.  
"And that's when I became a professional spy, you see. Oh those were the days..." She whispered, smiling.  
Soldier looked intrigued. "But how did you-"  
"Ssshhh!"  
"Sorry." Soldier lowered his voice. "How did you know what was up?"  
"I know everything, and I know it from afar. To be honest, I arrived ten minutes before I saved you and ended this nonsense, so it was a close call. Thank god for Miss Pauling."

The baby let out a little gurgle and was resisting going to sleep. Solly's big arms took the baby and his own practice took over, hushing. The child calmed down and buried his face on his father's shoulder.  
The Admin smiled. "I'll need to get better at this."  
"Why?"  
"For when you leave to space."  
"Oh right..."  
Soldier sat down and removed his shirt.

The Admin watched, wide-eyed. "I'm not doing that though."

THE END.


End file.
